No Birds Allowed?

I was catching up at Idea Drunk, and saw a great post from a couple of weeks ago (not many words, lots of pictures...my kind of reading).

There are a couple cool pictures, including one that looks like a girl coming out of a Stargate. But there is one picture that I'm calling shenanigans on:

There is no way this is a real sign. Not possible. I don't believe it for a second. Why not? Have you ever seen a "No birds allowed" sign before? No. You know why? Because they don't exist!

For one, look at the sign. If you notice, it is exactly the same shape as the seagull, including the part at the tail that has the feathers sticking up, which isn't always the case. Also, look at the legs: if you were going to make this sign, are you really going to go through the trouble of making sure the bird's knees (or whatever they are) are detailed like that?

Even if you think a sign like that is real, in which situation would it be used? Is someone bringing their pet birds to this part of town? "Damn, I was hoping to bring Squawkie down to the beach today for some fun and swimming, but look at the sign. Shit. I guess we have to go back to our weekly visits to the dump." I don't think so. I know there are some weird pets out there, but come on, a seagull?

Well, if it's not directed at humans, then it can only be there as a notice for birds. But if that is the case then...um...what? They're birds. They can't read. Or understand signs. If they could, wouldn't this sign be all over Trafalgar Square?

I can just picture it...

Bird 1 - "Hey Celeste, what are you up to?"
Bird 2 - "Not much Withrow...I'm hungry, so I was thinking of heading to the beach and stealing someone's hot dog while they weren't looking."
Withrow - "That sounds like fun. Mind if I come? The crazy bread lady didn't show up at the park this morning, so I'm hungry too."
Celeste - "Sure, no problem...let's go."

- Celeste and Withrow arrive at the beach.

Withrow - "Hey, look at that kid, he's totally going to drop his sandwich. Ready to go in?"
Celeste - "Whoa, wait a minute Withrow, look at that sign. It says that we aren't allowed here."
Withrow - "What the...? Really? Oh come on. I've been coming here for years! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!"
Celeste - "Hey man, don't blame me, I'm just a bird who can comprehend what that sign says somehow."
Withrow - "Goddammit. First they kick us out of the subway stations, now this. This fucking city makes me sick. You know how much more garbage there would be on the streets if it wasn't for us? I am so going to write a letter to the editor about this."
Celeste - "I hear ya. Want to go poop on Dave Winfield's car instead?"
Withrow - "Oh, you always know how to cheer me up...I fucking hate that asshole."
Celeste - "Let's book."

My Electoral Paradox

With today being the Federal Election, obviously I have to go cast my vote after work. However, my choice is not as simple as voting for the candidate who I think would be best to lead Canada.

Because of our system of government, the choice in my riding comes down to voting between the NDP and Liberal candidates. The Conservative candidate has always been a lost cause in this riding...I don't even know who it is this year (not like I'd vote for them anyway). As for Green...ask me again in 10 years when they might actually be viable as a party.

And this is where my Electoral Paradox comes in. My preference is to vote for Olivia Chow, the NDP candidate. But, if I do that, I am voting against a Liberal, Christine Innes, with a good chance of winning, thus (theoretically) weakening the Liberals' numbers. So for me, a vote for the NDP is a vote for the Conservatives and sweater boy. And I can't be a part of that.

[Of course, if I vote for Innes, then I'm voting for the Liberals...and Stephane Dion. Ugh. He exites me about as much as the propects of getting a colonoscopy.]

So that's my conundrum, which is probably similar to what everyone else is facing today (well...the 65% of us, that is).

It probably doesn't really matter though. We all know that the zombies will be coming for us shortly...

It's on

Dear person who I beat in the Fantasy Hockey Pool last year,

I think you are mistaken about the tiebreakers....I didn't have Sidney Crosby on my team last year (zing!).

You're going down harder than Big Fish after one of my motivational speeches.

Sincerely, 

The two-time champion of the Springfield Shinny League.

Who knew that Homer Simpson was coaching Sarah Palin?

Normally I'm not one to comment on politics, but as I was flipping through the channels on my way to watching more important things (i.e. the baseball playoffs) I stopped by the American Vice-Presidential Debate.

And that's when I discovered that perhaps Sarah Palin and I have something in common: watching the Simpsons and Family Guy.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Officer: Next weekend, we're having our annual war games. Now Simpson, because of your many years as a nuclear technician, we're putting you on a nuclear sub.
Homer: "Nuc-u-lar". It's pronounced "nuc-u-lar".
Officer: Oh, whatever.
Homer: "Nuc-u-lar".

And now here is someone who could potentially be President of United States of America:

I'm super serial

It's been almost two weeks since the Hounds went home disappointed from the Monday Playoffs, and I've been spending all that time trying to figure out what went wrong.  Seriously, I haven't gone to work, played Rock Band, or even made sandwiches since that fateful Saturday in my quest to understand what the hell went wrong.

Well, after reviewing the game tapes, interviewing numerous witnesses, consulting Psychic Nikki and howling at the moon for 5 nights in a row, I believe I have found the reason why we lost.

Now, some may say that the short roster did us in.  Or that we were missing some key players.  Perhaps people have told you that we just didn't have "it" that day while Disc Horde just played better than us.

Those people are stupid.

The answer is so obvious that I can't believe no one figured it out at the time.  The reason why we lost is due to the most diabolically evil creature on the earth.  It is the single greatest threat to our planet.  I'm talking of course, about...

MANBEARPIG

Consequences of switching nights

As the TUC Playoffs approach, I'm sure everyone is getting mentally prepared for Saturday.  Me, I'm watching the final scene of The Karate Kid over and over.  (One thing I don't understand from that movie is how a punch to the face is illegal, but a kick to the face is perfectly fine.  It makes about as much sense as the popularity of that awful band Hedley.)

But, let's look ahead to next summer for a quick moment. 

There has been talk of moving to Wednesday next year, which I think is a great idea. Right off the top of my head, I can think of a few reasons why we should:

- better competition

- no long weekend games

- time to recover from the weekend

But it's never that easy, as there would be repercussions if we moved days.  There would be some roster issues as some people are already on a team on Wednesday (stupid Berzurk!).  Plus, would the changing of the night that the Hounds get down to business affect Business Time?

Just something that you probably hadn't considered.

A much better All-Star Game than the Pro Bowl

In the morning of Saturday, September 14th, TUC is hosting the Scally's Cup All-Star Challenge at BMO Field.  Hopefully this All-Star game will be better than the major pro sports' games (because it's entirely realistic to compare a local flatball league to professional sports...).  

Here are my current rankings:

4)  Football - For football players, the Pro Bowl is a bonus cheque and a free trip to Hawaii for the family.  If not for those two things, no one would ever go, and it shows in the game.

3)  Basketball - Even with the Slam Dunk Contest enjoying a bit of a creative renaissance, the game itself is horr-awful (to borrow Shaq's phrase).  It's basically a showcase for hoisting up 3's, loads of turnovers, and practicing alley-oops while the defense watches (or moves out of the way).  

2)  Hockey - A lot of what makes hockey exciting (the speed, intensity and body-checking) is lost in this glorified game of shinny.  At least the goalies are trying to keep the score respectable, even if that is like Big Fish trying to cover Joel, Tien, Bonnie or Christian in the endzone; scoring is inevitable.  But at least the NHL ASG gave us Owen Nolan vs Dominik Hasek:

1) Baseball - How sad is it that the best All-Star Game is the one that felt the need to justify itself as "counting" for home-field advantage in the World Series?  But at least the players actually do try, whereas in the other leagues they are just going through the motions.  But MLB, don't push some contrived notion to make the game seem more important than it really is.

So, the Scally's Cup doesn't have to give us much to be the best All-Star Game around.  I just hope it's taken seriously, unlike the one at Gender Blender.  The GB game is definitely a different monster though, so I have high hopes it won't be like that.

Players will be chosen based on nominations.  Hopefully our 10-2-1 record will translate into a couple of players selected.  But we need to do our part, and should suggest some worthy candidates.  Some people who I was thinking of are:

Yoink - Adrian, Ryan, Sarah

4D - Chee, Matt

Disc Horde - Shimmy, Dan, Maria

5E - I think his name is Sachin

Ventura Wu - Sue

Mandrew - sorry, you need to show up to more than 1 out of 3 games

Any thoughts on who we should/should not nominate?