Fire = Hot

Allow me to add the dialogue that this commercial was missing:



[Three men tailgating. One of them is cooking steak. I'd guess one is a construction worker, one is a mechanic, and one just came from the set of The Warriors .]

Guy #1 - "How do you want your steak?"

Guy #2 - "Medium."

Guy #1 - "You?"

Guy #3 - "Medium rare."

[One drip of sauce falls onto the barbecue grill. Tense music plays in the background. The men look like they are fishing and just dropped the last beer into the lake.]

[Better be sure to put the "Do not attempt" disclaimer in case someone is actually dumb enough to do what this guy is going to do.]

Guy #2 - "Let it go. Do you see the bottle you are holding? It has much more sauce in it than the tiny amount that fell on the grill. You still have lots of sauce left. Why do you care? For that matter, why did I just stand up?"

Guy #1 - "But it's A1 steak sauce. Not Heinz, not HP, but A1. It comes first in the phone book!"

[Guy #1 takes off hat, and decides to go in. Flash forward as everyone is looking at an ambulance.]

Guy #1 - "Ith my theak okay?"

Guy #2 - "Um, yeah, it's fine. Not that you'll know now. Did you not ever learn how cooking food with heat works? Is this your first barbecue? I hope that drip of sauce on the dirty grill tasted good, because now you aren't going to be tasting anything for a month. Good one."

Guy #3 - "Dude, you're a moron...dibbs on his steak."

God - "A1 steak sauce. Yeah, it's that important."

Only 1 week late...

Alright, I finally saw the Simpsons Movie last night. Michelle and I were joined by a few other Hound-folk (Nat, Tien, Joel, Steph, Laura). And yes, they did Release the Hounds in the movie, so it was well worth it.

I'm not going to go too much into the movie itself since I'd end up giving away the ending (hint: it might involve Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin and Eric Cartman having a fart contest to save the Earth. But it might not.). If you're a Simpsons fan, well then you've probably already seen it. If you're a Simpsons fan and haven't seen it yet, then stop being a cheapskate and give Matt Groening his $12. You've been living off free episodes for years...is that too much to ask?

If you're not a Simpsons fan, then get the hell out of here.

The one thing I will mention was the previews. Not too many, which was a welcome change. Although one was the most disturbing thing I have seen since I saw Se7en and the knife/sex device that John Doe made the guy from Very Bad Things use on a woman.

Let's just say the jokes involve the worst version of Funkytown ever, plus eating crap. Against my better judgement...



Some questions for Jason Lee: Underdog AND Alvin and the Chipmunks? Really? Is Kevin Smith not returning your phone calls anymore?

I feel like...shooting my TV

"The Nestle Blue Freezer" commercial: the newest ad that I just don't get. In case you haven't seen it:



To start, what's with casting some 50 year-old, twitchy, Roberto Benigni look-alike as the fairy? If I'm trying to sell ice cream (or anything for that matter) by using a fairy, imp, naiad, nymph, whatever...then I'm starting with this template, and not straying too far:


And what's with the fairy? Does each freezer come with one? Do they work in shifts, or do the live at the store 24/7? If so, he's gotta get into some kind of union, because that would suuuuck. And I'm thinking that having something that can change frozen Nestle products at will; there's gotta be a better use for him than sitting around at the local conveniece store waiting for stoned teenagers to decide what they want to eat.

When the teenagers arrive, was the freezer empty? Was it missing the flavours they desired? NO! When the guy says he feels like a Drumstick, what's the best course of action? Hand him one? Maybe tell him "No problem kid, we have lots of those." Instead he changes all the flavours so there are only Drumsticks. Did he think this kid was going to want to eat a freezer full of Drumsticks? He only needed one.

And then, when girl #1 says she wants a Rolo Chocolate Cone, Mr. Genius Fairy again changes the entire freezer stock to what she wants, knowing full well that the guy wants a Drumstick. Know what I call this? Trouble brewing.

Of course, Token Minority Girl wants something different than the other two, and naturally Benigni-fairy changes the entire freezer AGAIN. (And what's with TMG and how she talks? "I feel like an Aero........Chocolate Cone." Did she forget her line? Was that the best take they could get out of her?) Did Benigni learn nothing from what JUST happened? Is this his first minute on the job? Did no one tell him that sometimes, different people have different tastes and might like different flavours. I don't know what he would do if he worked at Baskin Robbins.

Just to re-iterate: the freezer had all three of those flavours there to start with! That's the point of the Blue Freezer! The fairy (who the teenagers don't appear to see, by the way) serves no actual purpose. And if you need a fairy to keep track of your stock at the corner store, I'm guessing that corner store isn't going to be around for much longer.

Anyways, we go back to spikey-haired dude, who hasn't changed his mind in the past 12 seconds and still wants a Drumstick. Since we know that Twitchy-fairy is a moron, he decides the best course of action is to now turn him INTO a Drumstick. That's for not agreeing on what to eat! Of course, the girls didn't actually want to eat a Drumstick, but that doesn't stop each of them from taking a bite out of their friend. Hell, they don't even look the slightest bit surprised that their friend has turned into a 6-foot-tall frozen snack.

So, the only person who actually wanted to eat a Drumstick is still not able to, because he can't eat himself. And the girls didn't get to eat what they actually wanted. Alright! No one gets what they wanted! The Nestle Blue Freezer...juuuust magic!

And from the way the dude giggles after the girls eat him, it sounds like they did take it easy on his nuts.

All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me

This is dedicated to the Canadian National Soccer team, who got ROBBED last night, losing 2-1 to the USA in the semi-finals of the Gold Cup. After falling behind 2-0 in the first half, Canada fought back and had the apparent tying goal called back (in the last minute of play!) on a phantom offside call. Soccer is so frustrating.

A three-on-three soccer tournament, organized by Eric Cantona.

Hidden from the world,
twenty-four elite players hold a secret tournament...
with eight teams,
and only one rule:
first goal wins.



Round 1:
Henry, Totti & Nakata beat Viera, Nistelrooy & Scholes
Davids, Thuram & Wiltord beat Ljungberg, Saviola & Enrique
Figo, Carlos & Ronaldo beat Denilson, Ronandinho & Seol
Lopez, Mendieta & Crespo beat Cannavaro, Rosicky & Ferdinand

Semis:
Henry, Totti & Nakata beat Davids, Thuram and Wiltord
Figo, Carlos & Ronaldo beat Lopez, Mendieta & Crespo

Finals:
Henry, Totti & Nakata beat Figo, Carlos & Ronaldo

All action played to A Little Less Conversation, Elvis vs JXL.

An old Nike commercial, but it's still pretty cool.

This Commercial Sucks: Jeep Patriot

Another way to waste my time is going to be dedicated to commercials...ones I like, and ones that are stupid. First on the docket: the Jeep Patriot ad with the guys who steal a canoe from some woman and her smart (i.e. asleep) partner.



Why do I hate this commercial? So many things just don't make sense. Like:

How did those guys get there? If they need to canoe away, that must mean their camp is quite the hike away. Don't they have better things to do with their time in the morning of a camping trip? Come one guys...clean up your beer bottles or something.

Why doesn't the woman just wake the guy up beside her and make him get the canoe back? That's what would happen normally.

Why do you care if they took the canoe? You have a Jeep. It's okay. You'll get it back.

How does she magically pick up the wolf from across the river and put it in the canoe? Is she Mr. Fantastic's illegitimate love-child (or perhaps Stretch Dude)? If she could do that, why not just pick the guys up and drop them out of the canoe. Or for that matter, why did she have to drive all the way down-river to do this...couldn't she just do that from her camp?

After the guys jump out of the canoe, how did she get the canoe back? Was it her magic fingers? Did it drift back to her?

And wouldn't the wolf still be in the canoe? I don't know, but he looked pretty pissed...wouldn't it come after her once the canoe got to shore?

Since the guys know her, don't they know that she could do this? Or was this the "unveiling" of her super-power? If so, very anti-climactic. Maybe wait to grab a baby out of a burning building to start showing that off.

How did she get the canoe back onto the Jeep to take it back to camp? I'm guessing the guys she made jump into the water wouldn't have helped her. I haven't loaded a canoe on a Jeep before, but I'm thinking it's more than a one-woman job, unless you don't care about scratching the hell out of your Jeep.

I guess a lot of this can be explained by her "magic fingers", but I feel like I'm missing out on a lot here. If she can do that with a wolf, then what else can she do? How did she get these powers? How far away can she grab things? Can she grab me a beer from the fridge without leaving the living room? That would be awesome.

I really think that Jeep should make a prequel to this commercial to explain these things. Please Jeep, I'm waiting. I need some answers.

Whassup?

Big game this Sunday. It's our first game against the upper echelon of opponents in Sunday League, as we go up against our old friends from Wasabi. We have played them 6 times over the past year and a half, and are winless against them thus far. They have brought out some of our best play though, so let's see if we can get in the win column this Sunday. Simon will be back from Spain, so perhaps the return of el capitain will inspire the rest of the Hounds.

6:30, Varsity. Be there.
Of course, there is another big game this Sunday...some big American Football game, or something...I don't know, it hasn't been mentioned much in the media. Anyways, apparently a lot of people will be watching, so I guess we must as well. I hear that everyone will be able to make it out, which is great. I'm just finishing up the Pool questions, and will be sending that out later today. For those worried about football knowledge, fear not, it is not necessary, especially when one of the questions will be "Will Prince wear a shirt?" Of course, a pool is necessary for Sunday, for what is the point of watching the game if you don't have money riding on it?

Finally, to get us ready for the important game on Sunday, I give you the following: