Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Guest Game Recap - Jules Winnfield

I'm not sure if you noticed, but last week Jules Winnfield was watching our game against the Big Kahunas. Apparently, he has found his way to Toronto during his whole "walking the Earth like Caine in Kung Fu" deal.

He was so impressesd, he asked if he could make a comment about the evening:


OK, so he was only there for The Big Kahunas BBQ, and didn't really watch any of the game. As long as he's not reciting Ezekial 25:17 to me, he can say whatever he wants.

This week's game

We're up against Oxygen Hazard, who we beat the last time we played, 17-5. Weather was definitely a factor that game, so we'll want to come out hard and assert ourselves.

The game is at Michael Power. It turns out they are naming schools after toys now...

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

I hope nothing happens

Tonight we are playing the formidable Banana Cream Pie at Flemingdon Park. From looking at their roster, they are pretty stacked, so we'll see how it goes. But hey, we have 10 people coming, so I'm sure we'll do alright.

Fear not: Grandma the Clown has some inspirational words for us about BCP.


The key to success for tonight: scoring more points than them.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Just wait til you see the pool

Tonight's game location is brought to you Toronto Civic Employees Union Local 416 CUPE. Thanks to the strike our scheduled game for Sunnybrook has been moved to Manitoba Etobicoke.

Our opponent is the infamous "COOL" team, who thinks that counting on their looks will help them win games. Of course, we know most of these players from Tundra, as well as Liver Punch, who we played a couple of times indoors. Those games were a lot of fun (for us) so let's do more of that tonight.

COOL is probably best known for their love of Schlitz Beer. The thing is...whenever I think of Schlitz, all I think of this old SNL commercial...

Schmitt's Gay Beer-Adam Sandler and Chris Farley


Top of the world...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Beware of...uh...Oxygen

Yes, I'm back on the blog, sharing my insights into our weekly opponents...until I get bored with it again.  But at least this blog is still going (*cough*).  

Part of the reason for the blog stagnation is due to the search for subs.  My weekly hunt has lead me to recruit a new General Manager whose job is two fold:

a) Make sure everyone plays each week.
b) Find subs if Plan A fails. 

Obviously, it was tough to find someone who had the extra time, but I'm pretty sure after this week we'll be back to 100% attendance.  He just has this "way" with people.

Before I announce who it is, I just wanted to say some things about this week's team to beat, Oxygen Hazard.  I'm sure some of you will remem-ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

For us is bad news bears (Walter Matthau)

There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures...and the Dutch.




Seriously, that was a bit of a whooping last night. The offense was pretty solid, but defensively it seemed like they could do whatever they wanted. A lot of that is due to the fact that they are an excellent good team who has many different throws in their arsenal. Any ideas on what we could have done differently? Do you think the change to a straight-up mark helped?

Monday, March 02, 2009

Alcohol or Boxing?

Tonight's game is against Liver Punch, who we might also know as Tundra. We beat them pretty badly a few weeks ago, and I'm sure they aren't too happy about it.

Watch out for those low left hooks!

SNOWPLATE!

Of course, a Liver Punch could also refer to what's going to happen this weekend in Sudbury. The Hounds on Ice are looking to repeat as champions, despite all of the damage we'll be doing to our livers on Friday and Saturday...more to come on that...

Monday, February 23, 2009

Not at all like the Amber Fey

For tonight's game, we are playing against Green Fey again. After tying them the last time, a win would be nice.

I had no idea what a Green Fey was, so I did a little search. I thought it might have something with 30 Rock and Tina Fey, but what I found was much more complicated. And lame.

Apparently this is from an on-line, post-apocolyptic role-playing game called Gainar. "In a world where darkness looms, and the shambling dead outnumber the living, a handful of heroes can rekindle the dying light." Who do they think they are...Dylan Thomas?

I hear the cleats in this game are awesome though...

So, what's a Fey?

"Base Movement of 9//, Base AC of 9, non-natives to Gaianar, full flight capability, able to assume an ghostly, energy form for limited periods, able to fire wind blasts at foes, motion-vector detection, ultra-vision, very vulnerable to iron, suffers an experience penalty."

But that's not all. Each different colour Fey is different (duh!):

"Unlike the amber Fey, insanity made the green Fey nasty. They hate all ground-bound races on Gaianar, and will seek to destroy any Human Priest, regardless of their faith. Moreover, they view the Dwarven race as a non-sentient animal race and use them for slave labour and/or food. Green Fey never become Priests of any kind, but instead are Thieves, fighters of all sorts, and hired assassins. Green Fey are always Satanic, and have forsworn supernatural practices to the point that they now have a 25% resistance to all spiritual powers."

Like Towelie, I have no idea what's going on. But I guess we have to be mindful of these full-flight capable, insane, satanic aliens of Gaianar, whatever the hell that means.

[Of course, I'm sure Gaianar players would be like "What the fuck is Ultimate?" if asked, so who am I to judge?]

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Why so tired?

I was going to do a complete breakdown of last night's victory, but not anymore since I was distracted by this little bit of awesomeness:


I'll never look at balloon animals the same way...

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Crank dat

Since we're playing Energy tonight at 10:00, I am reminded of a movie that I recently stumbled upon a few weeks ago: Crank. It's about a guy who has been poisoned, and the only way he can stay alive is to keep his adrenaline flowing. Basically, he has to keep running around doing badass things or else he dies.

This movie pretty much has everything on my personal checklist for awesome movies:

- Boobies? Check. (Christian and Joel, I know this is important to you too)
- Dude from the Transporter, doing Transporter-like things? Check.
- Guy gets his hand cut clean off? Check.
- Lots of guns and car chases? Check.
- Couple having sex in the middle of Chinatown? Check.

All in all, an energy-filled 90 minutes...until he dies. Shit! Did I just ruin it?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I have nothing more to add

Thanks to Christian for finding this at Fuck You, Penguin (this is so much easier than trying to be creative myself):

Monkey Overkill


Monkey, I've got something to say, and it's about you biting that bar, and it's not going to be pretty.

You know, Monkey, if you had just sat there, like a normal monkey, you would have been cute enough. Hell, you could have even fallen on your back and put all of your arms and legs up in the air, and I would have been fine with it. But biting that bar? Fuck you. Just. Fuck. You.


So yeah, fuck you Spider Monkey...you're going down tonight. At 11pm at BMO.