This Commercial Sucks: Jeep Patriot

Another way to waste my time is going to be dedicated to commercials...ones I like, and ones that are stupid. First on the docket: the Jeep Patriot ad with the guys who steal a canoe from some woman and her smart (i.e. asleep) partner.



Why do I hate this commercial? So many things just don't make sense. Like:

How did those guys get there? If they need to canoe away, that must mean their camp is quite the hike away. Don't they have better things to do with their time in the morning of a camping trip? Come one guys...clean up your beer bottles or something.

Why doesn't the woman just wake the guy up beside her and make him get the canoe back? That's what would happen normally.

Why do you care if they took the canoe? You have a Jeep. It's okay. You'll get it back.

How does she magically pick up the wolf from across the river and put it in the canoe? Is she Mr. Fantastic's illegitimate love-child (or perhaps Stretch Dude)? If she could do that, why not just pick the guys up and drop them out of the canoe. Or for that matter, why did she have to drive all the way down-river to do this...couldn't she just do that from her camp?

After the guys jump out of the canoe, how did she get the canoe back? Was it her magic fingers? Did it drift back to her?

And wouldn't the wolf still be in the canoe? I don't know, but he looked pretty pissed...wouldn't it come after her once the canoe got to shore?

Since the guys know her, don't they know that she could do this? Or was this the "unveiling" of her super-power? If so, very anti-climactic. Maybe wait to grab a baby out of a burning building to start showing that off.

How did she get the canoe back onto the Jeep to take it back to camp? I'm guessing the guys she made jump into the water wouldn't have helped her. I haven't loaded a canoe on a Jeep before, but I'm thinking it's more than a one-woman job, unless you don't care about scratching the hell out of your Jeep.

I guess a lot of this can be explained by her "magic fingers", but I feel like I'm missing out on a lot here. If she can do that with a wolf, then what else can she do? How did she get these powers? How far away can she grab things? Can she grab me a beer from the fridge without leaving the living room? That would be awesome.

I really think that Jeep should make a prequel to this commercial to explain these things. Please Jeep, I'm waiting. I need some answers.